an itchy asshole By Captain-Ruddy and Dwright92

So recently I've been having a really horrible problem: I've had a really itchy asshole.

About a week ago I was slumbering in my bed, enjoying the hours where I'm not conscious. Unable to feel the crushing loneliness and fear of failure (and success.) These are the only times where I am truly at ease. Suddenly: As if the roar of a divine beast shook my ear drums, I shot up awake in bed.

My brain fog soon cleared. And I finally was able to determine what had woken me up from the dark, peaceful oblivion that is sleep.

My asshole.

It itched.

BADLY.
didn't know what to do. I soon began dragging my ass against my bed in an attempt to scratch it...to no avail. I rubbed my asscheeks together in an attempt to scratch it. Still nothing. I was growing desperate. Unable to summon the willpower to leave my bed, I did what any rational man would do that this point.

I scratched my anus with my fingers.

I fart a lot in my sleep, so naturally, it tends to get pretty stinky down there, but I when I gotta go dirty I go dirty.

I began scratching my anus with my fingernails. It felt like sex. Soon my itchy asshole would be at an en-


No.

No, this is not the solution.

As my fingers exited my anus, I could only come to one fucking conclusion: My anus STILL itched. I was beginning to worry now. I rushed out of bed and put some clothes on (I sleep in the nude,) and rushed into the bathroom. My roommates were having sex in the other room with the door open. Ignoring my boner, I slammed the bathroom door shut and began to take a shower.

I cried. Never have a I felt an itch of this magnitude. I poured body wash into my anus to give it a good scrubbing. I got my back cleaning brush and brushed my ass with it. It felt fucking amazing. (Though it did make my anus bleed exponentially.) It was finally done. I had cleaned out my asshole (and my hands,) and was ready to head back to bed. I grabbed my towel and dried off. I put some new comfy jam jams on and I exited the bathroom. My roomies were still pounding it, I laughed to myself (and cried because I never get laid,) and went back into my dirty virgin bedroom.

I lied back down, let out a deep sigh, just glad knowing that horrible altercation was now over...

Just as I was at the threshold of sleep's grip, my eyes SHOT open.

MY

ANUS

ITCHED

AGAIN

OH GOD

I started screaming. Screaming at the top of my lungs. MY ANUS ITCHED SO BAD.

My roommate (still naked,) broke down my door. His significantly larger penis than mine dangled in the wind.

"DUDE WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE YOU FUCKING SCREAMING? IM TRYING TO GET THIS DICK WET, YO" he yells loudly as the door falls to the floor.

"MY ANUS!!! IT FUCKING ITCHES!!!" I shrieked like a banshee.

They called the fucking ambulance. Doctor said that I needed to start...get this: WIPING MY ASS AFTER SHITTING

Can you believe that fucking guy? What a savage.

Anyway, do you guys have anything that could remedy an itchy asshole?

Thanks in advance,

-Writen by Dwright92

-Transcripted by Captain-ruddy
Mr Freeze